Christmas Up in Flames Page 15

  He needed Reid.

  She sat down in the chair, knowing she should be helping in the kitchen, but exhaustion enveloped her. Today had pushed her to the limits emotionally and left her reeling, but Owen was safe.

  Thank You, God.

  She couldn’t forget she had so much to be thankful for.

  “How are you holding up?” Marci asked, setting down a cup of tea beside Claire.

  “I don’t think I realized how tired I am until I sat down.”

  “From the little I’ve heard about your day, you’ve been through a lot. I’m so sorry.”

  “I just want to thank you for letting us stay.” Claire picked up the tea and took a sip. “You’ve gone far beyond the call of duty.”

  “We’re happy to have you. Owen’s absolutely adorable. You’ve done a great job raising him, and I know it can’t be easy being a single mom.”

  “My mom helps out a lot. Traveling for my job has made it a bit more challenging, but I enjoy my work and am home most of the time.”

  “Your mother’s coming down too, isn’t she?”

  Claire glanced at her watch. “She should be here any minute, actually. She wanted to get Owen and me some of our clothes.”

  “Good.” Marci cocked her head. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “Of course.” Claire pulled the warm mug against her, not missing the serious tone in Marci’s voice.

  “I know I’m prying, but Reid is Owen’s father, isn’t he?”

  “I...” Claire nodded, taken off guard by the question. But at least everything was out in the open. No more secrets. No more hiding. “Yes. He is.”

  “I can see it in Owen’s eyes.” Marci walked to a bookshelf next to the fireplace and pulled out an album. “He looks exactly like Reid when he was five.”

  Marci set the album in front of her.

  Claire ran her finger across the photo of Reid sitting up proudly on a horse. “Wow. You’re right.”

  Marci sat back down next to her. “Does Reid know?”

  Claire nodded her head. “He found out today, not in a way I ever imagined it happening.”

  “I’m assuming you had your reasons for not telling him.”

  “I thought I did.” Claire sat silently for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts as the guilt continued to pulse through her. “I found out I was pregnant with Owen about a week after he broke things off between us. I listened to some advice that convinced me I was doing the right thing by keeping it from him, and that Reid would only be saddled with the two of us and in turn become resentful. I didn’t want him to get back into a relationship with me out of a sense of duty, but now...now I don’t think I did the right thing. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. Reid missed all these years of being with his son, and you missed out on being grandparents.”

  “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you.”

  “I never stopped thinking about Reid, or questioning what to do, but every time I wanted to tell him, I would stop, and the more time passed, the easier it became to keep that secret. Now I’ve realized that the secret I was trying to keep doesn’t help anyone, it only can hurt.” Claire turned back to Marci, worried about her response, but all she saw in the older woman’s eyes was compassion. A compassion she didn’t deserve. “I really am sorry. I kept your grandson from you. I never should have done that.”

  “I’m assuming Owen doesn’t know?”

  “Not yet. But I’m going to tell him.”

  “I think you should. He deserves to know who his father is. The time is going to come, as well, when he starts asking questions, and avoiding the truth is just going to get harder.”

  “I know, but Reid’s angry at me.” She set her tea down beside her, as the anxiety returned. “He doesn’t think I did the right thing.”

  “He’s hurt and rightly so, to be honest.”

  “I know.”

  “What else is wrong?”

  “I’m scared. The arsonist is still out there, which means Owen is still in danger. I just wish we had more answers.”

  “No matter what my son is feeling right now, I know he’s going to do everything in his power to keep you safe. Both of you.”

  “I know.” Claire looked out the window where Owen and Reid were playing with Sasha on the front porch. “I just feel like I’ve hurt so many people. And I’m worried that he’s going to feel obligated to walk back into my life. That’s what I’ve always wanted to avoid.”

  “And then resent you for it?”

  Claire nodded.

  “I understand what you’re saying, but Reid is just as much involved in this situation as you are. You can’t forget that.”

  “But I don’t want him to feel trapped. That will only hurt all of us.”

  Marci sat back in her chair. “This is butting my head in where it doesn’t belong, but I’m just going to say that he’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”

  Claire started to respond, then stopped. Just like Reid, she was going to need time to process everything that had happened and what him knowing about Owen meant for her future. For their future. She’d spent the past six years expecting Reid to reject her if he ever found out. The thought that he might care about her—and Owen—both relieved and terrified her.

  “So what am I supposed to do?” Claire asked.

  “For now, I’d give him some space. I’m not going to make you any promises, but I know Reid. He’s not one to hold a grudge. Give him time to deal with his hurt and what it’s going to mean to have you back in his life.”

  “And if he doesn’t want me in his life?”

  “Don’t go there. Not yet. Just give him some space.”

  Owen bounced back into the living room in front of Reid, clearly on his second wind. “Can we get a dog, Mom?”

  Claire chuckled. “We’ll talk about that later, but right now, it’s time for you to get washed up and head on to bed.”

  Owen scrunched his nose. “You mean a bath?”

  Claire smiled. “I do indeed.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Owen...”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Marci stood up and set her hands on her hips. “If you want to come with me, young man, I’ll get you set up with a towel and a toothbrush.”

  “I’ll be there in just a minute, Owen.” Claire waited for the two of them to leave the room, then turned back to Reid.

  “I just... I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here. I know this isn’t easy.”

  “It’s fine. I’m just glad he seems to be okay.”

  “Me too, though I’ve got a friend back in Denver I want him to see. She helps kids deal with traumatic stress.”

  “I think that’s a good idea.”

  Claire glanced down at the floor, hating the stark barrier that had come between them. “I’m sorry, Reid. You have to know that. I truly am.”

  “I really wish you’d stop saying you’re sorry. What bothers me the most is that if none of this had happened, I still wouldn’t know about my son. You’re only telling me how sorry you are because I found out and now it’s in the open.”

  “Reid—”

  “Would you have told me?”

  “Maybe. Eventually. When Owen started asking questions.”

  “I wish I could say this is all going to end well between us, but right now, I just can’t get past the fact that you never told me the truth. How am I ever supposed to trust you again?” Reid grabbed his coat off the back of the chair where he’d left it. “I need to get some air. You have plenty of people to make sure you’re safe.”

  “I’m not the only one needing protection. He tried to hurt you. Twice. You could have been killed in that wreck,” she said trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. “Besides...this is the perfect time to get to know
Owen. He’d like that.”

  Reid turned back to her. “What do you want out of this, Claire? A happy family?”

  “Reid...”

  “I can’t just forget everything that happened. That I have a son. That you never told me.”

  “Have you forgotten that when you broke up with me, it was because you weren’t ready to commit. You didn’t want a family. What was I supposed to do?”

  He looked down. “I don’t know.”

  “Surely we can find a way to make this work. Even if it’s just for Owen’s sake.”

  “I want Owen in my life, Claire, because he’s my son, but I can’t do this. I can’t do us.”

  She started to say something, then closed her mouth. It didn’t matter what she said. He was right. She watched him turn around and leave the house, slamming the door behind him. No matter how hard she tried to make things right with him, this wasn’t something she was going to be able to fix.

  FIFTEEN

  Reid swung the ax down as hard as he could, splitting a log in half. He tossed the wood onto the pile, then grabbed another log. He’d had to get out of the house and away from Claire and her constant apologizing. Maybe she’d had some justification in not telling him, but he still couldn’t get past the anger.

  How am I supposed to forgive her, God? I’m just not sure I can do it.

  He swung the ax again, letting his muscles redirect the anger boiling inside him.

  “Whoa...slow down.” Caden came around the corner of the barn and held up his hands. “We’re going to have enough wood for the next decade the way you’re going at it.”

  “I just needed to blow off some steam.”

  “Actually, I could hire you. I struggle to find people willing to do the grunt work. The pay’s not great, but you get free room and board.”

  “Very funny.” Reid took a step back and tightened the grip on the handle. “I guess you heard the news.”

  “No. Just that you might need someone to talk to.”

  “Claire is staying here, with her son.”

  “And that’s a problem because...”

  “Because he’s my son.”

  “Okay.” Caden glanced to the pile of chopped wood. “This is all suddenly making more sense.”

  “She lied to me, Caden. I have a son, and she made the decision on her own that I didn’t need to know. And now...” He picked up another log and set it down on the block of wood. “Now, I’ve missed five years with my son. I thought she knew me enough to realize that I would have been there for her. I wouldn’t have just walked away.”

  “Maybe that was why she didn’t tell you.”

  Reid swung the ax up, then split the log down the middle. “What do you mean?”

  “If I remember correctly, the two of you had a few issues back then and you broke up with her because you weren’t ready for a family. Maybe she felt if she told you she was pregnant, you would have felt trapped.”

  “She pretty much just told me the same thing, but I would have done the right thing.”

  “Exactly. You would have married her, because you wanted to do the honorable thing, but she always would have wondered if you stayed around because you loved her, or because you felt like you had to.”

  “Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m not taking sides, just helping you look at the situation.”

  Reid tried to push back the growing frustration and slammed the blade of the ax into another log. A thin piece of wood flew past him, hitting the barn wall. “That’s no excuse for not telling me. I just don’t think I can forgive her for this, Caden. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. That’s my son in there. She had no right to keep him a secret.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?”

  Reid dropped the ax to his side. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the way I see it, you have several options. One, you could tell her you don’t want her or Owen in your life. Two, you could simply fulfill your role as a father, pay child support and take him to ballgames a couple times a year. Or three, you could see if things might actually work out between the two of you this time. You did love her once and maybe you’re both in a place now where a relationship might work. The problem is you’re both too stubborn to see it.”

  Reid blew out a sharp breath. “This isn’t me being stubborn. And besides, we’re not going to take up from where we left off all these years ago. We’re both too different.”

  “Would you consider moving forward if she wanted to? Because it’s pretty clear you still feel something for her, and there’s a good chance she feels the same way. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

  Reid shook his head, wishing things felt as cut-and-dried as Caden made it sound. “The problem is that it’s not just about Claire and me anymore. We have a child that she kept from me, and I’m not sure I can get past this.”

  “But if you could?”

  “Nothing justifies what she did. And this is always going to be between us.” Reid turned to face his brother. “How can I ever trust her again? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

  “Forever is a long time, and you don’t have to decide today. Why not just give it some time? Get to know Owen. Spend time with him and Claire. Just see where things go.”

  “I don’t know if I want to see where things will go. The person I spend the rest of my life with has to be someone I can completely trust. And Claire...she’s not that person anymore.”

  “Reid—”

  “Forget it. I honestly don’t want any more advice. Forgiveness is a whole lot easier when you’re not the one having to do it.”

  Caden held up his hands. “All I’m saying is give yourself some time to work through what you’re feeling and give her a lot of grace. I don’t think she ever meant to hurt you.”

  “It doesn’t really matter what she meant or didn’t mean to do. We’re in this situation because she didn’t have the courage to tell me the truth.”

  “Hold on. This situation isn’t all her fault and it definitely isn’t Owen’s fault.”

  Owen. His son.

  Reid swallowed hard. None of this was Owen’s fault. But how was he supposed to build a relationship again with Claire? He couldn’t just turn off his feelings at will. Forgiveness, if he ever could get to that point, wasn’t going to come easy.

  “I think I’m going to get Sasha and go home,” Reid said. “Griffin promised to have a patrol car here tonight, and you and Dad will be around. She doesn’t need me here. It just makes things awkward for everyone.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I think you need each other.”

  “What I need is for none of this to have ever happened.”

  Caden grabbed a set of keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Reid. “I also think you should stay, but feel free to take the extra truck until you get yours sorted out.”

  Reid bit down on his lip, regretting his choice of words, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wish all of this would simply go away. He pulled off his gloves and headed to find Sasha. His feet crunched on the snow. He didn’t need Claire. He hadn’t seen her for over five years and now he felt like everyone just expected him to let her back into his life—and his heart—like nothing had happened. But that wasn’t realistic. She’d made the choice to keep him out of her life, which meant he didn’t owe her anything. End of story.

  I think you need each other.

  Irritation surfaced as his brother’s words kept repeating in his head, no matter how hard he tried to shake them. But it was easy for Caden to tell him what he should do. Caden wasn’t the one having to deal with the consequences.

  But Owen wasn’t simply a consequence. He was a sweet little boy who deserved a father and parents who loved each other. But was that something he’d ever be able to give his son?

  Reid’s phone went of
f. He pulled out his phone and read the text from Captain Ryder.

  Just received a confirmed lead on our suspect. I know it’s late, but I need the two of you to meet me back at the B&B.

  Claire was standing in the middle of the living room when Reid stepped in. “Reid?”

  “I just got a message from Captain Ryder.”

  “So did I.” She hesitated. “I know we need to go, but I’m not sure I want to leave Owen.”

  “My mom would be happy to watch him, but I understand. I can go. You don’t have to.”

  “I need to, but it’s just that I—we—came so close to losing him.”

  He saw the fear in her eyes and felt his anger lessen a notch. “I really do understand.”

  Claire’s hands fisted at her sides. “I have to come. Finding who’s behind this is the only way we are going to put an end to this nightmare. The only way to keep Owen safe.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “Let me go tell Owen and your mother what we’re doing, and then we can go.”

  * * *

  Claire sat in the passenger seat while Reid sped down the highway toward the B&B. He hadn’t said anything since they’d left, but as guilty as she felt, nothing she’d said or did had made a dent in the wall Reid had put up between them.

  “Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” she asked. “You just don’t talk to me.”

  He let out a sharp sigh. “I hope not, but you’ve had almost six years to figure all this out, and I’ve had... I don’t know...six hours. Maybe I’m going to feel different at some point, but for the moment, it’s a lot to process.”

  “Fair enough.” She pressed her lips together, trying not to say anything that would make things worse, but nothing was worse than the deafening silence hanging between them. “Is there anything you’d like to ask me?”

  “Besides more clarification on why you didn’t tell me?”

  “I tried to explain how I felt.” She shot up a prayer for wisdom, needing all the help she could get. “Listen, Reid, if time is what you need to process all of this, then I’ll give it to you. Whatever you need. I know it’s going to take time for both of us to figure out what’s next.”